The Umpire is the Most Unhappy Man

Opening on December 2, 1905, at Chicago's La Salle Theater "The Umpire" was a Musical Comedy, a collaboration by William Hough, Frank Adams, and Joseph Howard. The story is about an Umpire named Lohnny Nolan, who makes such an outrageous call he is forced to flee to Morocco. There at a football game he redeems himself. He also wins the hand of the teams center when it turns out this star player is a lovely young lady named Maribel Lewton. With 304 performances to June of 1906, "The Umpire" became the longest running play in Chicago theater history when it passed 204 in April of that year.

The song "The Umpire is the most unhappy Man" was recorded on an Edison Gold Moulded record cylinder in 1906, by Edwin M. Favor. It was also recorded in 1906 on a standard Victor Record company 10 inch record, sung by Bob Roberts with orchestra. The sheet music was published by Chas-K-Harris of Chicago.

"The Umpire is the Most Unhappy Man" Sheet Music


"The Umpire is the Most Unhappy Man" Sheet Music	"The Umpire is the Most Unhappy Man" Sheet Music Back

"Come On to the Baseball Game" - Lyrics
Words by Will M. Hough and Frank Adams Music by Jos. E. Howard

An umpire is a cross between a bullfrog and a goat,
He has a mouth that's flannel lined and brass tubes in his throat;
He needs a cool and level head, that isn't hard to hit.
so when the fans beat up his frame, They'll have a nice place to sit;
the only job that's worse, is driver on a hearse.
Refrain
How'd you like to be an umpire, work like this is merely play,
He don't even have to ask for, All the things that come his way,
When the crowd yells "knock his block off,"_"soak him good" says ev'ry fan,
Then who wants to be an umpire, the brick-bats wiz, when he gets his,
For the Umpire is a most unhappy man

Extra Choruses

How'd you like to be a mermaid,
Live below the glassy sea,
Why if you could swim like she can
What a cinch this life would be;
But suppose she took a street car,
'Spose the cable broke in two,
Then, who'd want to be a mermaid,
Gee what a shock----(Crash)
She couldn't----(Crash)
Wonder what the dickens would a mermaid do

How'd you like to be a camel,
He don't ever mind the heat,
He has seven lovely stomachs,
They're all full of things to eat;
But he travels without drinking,
Seven days to say the least,
So who wants to be a camel,
Without a drink?----(Crash)
Well, I don't think----(crash)
For the camel is a most unhappy beast.

Napoleon and Washington were generals of old,
Their lightest word moved regiments and armies, we are told;
Where-ér they led men followed them, but only came for hire,
Just think of all that gratis come, to follow the bold umpire;
He leads them with such vim, because they're chasing him.
Refrain
How'd you like to be an umpire, work like this is merely play,
He don't even have to ask for, All the things that come his way,
When the crowd yells "knock his block off,"_"soak him good" says ev'ry fan,
Then who wants to be an umpire, the brick-bats wiz, when he gets his,
For the Umpire is a most unhappy man

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